Finding Myself

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I love being wife and mother, I do. But, here lately it has felt like those two roles have overshadowed the “me” I once was… the woman I remember. I am afraid to lose her. I feel in my heart I need frequent reminders that she’s still around, that I am more than Mom and wife.

On the other hand, when I do take some time away from it all, I often find myself feeling guilty. Guilty over missing something at home or that I’m allowing myself to have fun without them. Silly, I know. And this guilt complex I have seems to come and go when I decide to have a little “me time”.

I took some time for myself very recently – I went out for a fabulous, hilarious, fulfilling Girls Night Out with some of my closest girlfriends last weekend. We enjoyed a late dinner and lots of laughter while getting the dish on one of our groups newest romantic interests (she was one of the few single gals in our group). We headed to a local club to take in the sights and, as one of the girls said, “get wild!”

Well, wild was not to be had there. Not for me anyway. I did act a bit goofy and tried to enjoy it, but more than anything I was thinking I would rather be somewhere else. Not home, just not at that particular establishment. I had already let our group know I’d be heading back to my little town early since I had promised to make my appearance at a local bar who was hosting a band with members I knew from childhood. And, my brother threatened to be there… this I had to see. So, my partner in business (and shenanigans) drove us back to town.

Much to my delight, I get a message from the rest of the group: “We’re coming to meet you!” Made my night… in my comfort hangout, getting to have fun with my comfort people! I can’t even begin to recall some of the many things that made me laugh so hard that my face ached for the entire next day.

We danced, we laughed, we drank… but, best of all, we had fun. No one asked me where my husband was. No one called me mommy. I was “me” again. I was glorious, graceful, classy, happy, beautiful me again. And it was fucking fabulous. Every single minute of it.

And I do not feel guilty at all.

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